Taxol vs A/C and Savi Scout Fail at SCCA

cw: cancer

studio assistant (getting in the way)

Taxol vs Adriamycin/Cytoxan

This week I finished my 3rd infusion of Taxol. The side effects of the Taxol continue to be much milder than the side effects of the A/C infusions. After the first round I had some problems with my hand which we thought were neuropathy. After I saw my oncologist, she indicated that it might not have been neuropathy from the Taxol. but might have been "hand and foot disorder" as a leftover reaction to the A/C.

peeling skin from hand and foot disorder (or neuropathy)

The hand problems are getting better, which doesn't clarify what the cause was. My fingertips had been sore and starting to get dry and brittle during the A/C, but the pain and heat in the fingers started up in between the last A/C infusion and the first Taxol. During each of the Taxol infusions I've held on to bags of ice, which is supposed to keep the chemo from damaging the neurons in the fingers. 

I've also been putting Arnicare cream or Aquaphor on my hands several times a day. The tips of my fingers a quite a bit better, but it seems I have to be much more diligent about keeping them moisturized than usual. Usually when I'm teaching in the clay studio in winter, my hands will get pretty dry from being outside and from being in and out of the water all day. But I've never before had the tips crack as much as they have this month. I don't remember the skin literally peeling like this, like after a sunburn. Lucikly, the pain and heat only lasted about a week.

Darter tolerates me in small doses; she was curious about my bald head

The nausea is the best thing, in that it has mostly gone away. I was feeling so good last week that I put away my nausea medicine (meaning I took it off of my desktop medicine stash and put it in the cupboard). This Friday I had to get it out again, but just once, which is still an improvement over A/C. 

The quantifiably good news this week was that my anemia is better. My hemoglobin and related numbers had been steadily dropping since I started chemo, but this week they finally moved up. I'm still anemic, but not as bad as last week. The increased hemoglobin numbers also mean that I'm less likely to need an intervention in the form of blood or blood products, which is what I was a bit worried about last week.

I don't know if anything I did helped with the anemia. I asked the doctor what I should do and she said there wasn't much I could do, but I made some adjustments in my diet anyway. We replaced our broken blender a few weeks back so that I could make smoothies when I wasn't feeling like eating. So now almost every morning I'm having a smoothie with a whole bunch of spinach and some wheat germ, along with whatever fruit we've got. I also tried to eat more protein in stew or soup or other meals over the past week.

Buddy can be a snuggly guy, until he bites (surprise!)

My oncologist had indicated that the anemia shouldn't be as bad on Taxol. Either way, time passing or my diet adjustments made a difference and that feels good. I'd been feeling the effects of the anemia when I go for a walk. I get winded more easily and have had to take breaks or even call for Sean to pick me up. Around the time of the last A/C or first Taxol, I had a bunch of conversations about all the symptoms that were worrying me, including being out of breath. It made me feel better to know that the anemia was the reason I was out of breath. It made it less scary, really.

third taxol

Also that week, after 8 or 9 weeks of chemo, I finally got a specific number for where I should keep my heart rate. When I first started seeing doctors about my cancer treatment, both in Seattle and in Yakima, I asked about excercise and how much I could continue to do. Both oncologists said I shouldn't work out too hard or bring my heart rate up too high, but were a bit vague about what counted as too high. I got the impression in Seattle that I shouldn't take spin class, but that leaves quite a bit of leeway between going for a walk and doing some kind of high intensity exercise. 

As I've continued to do chemo, my energy has waned a bit, but I've still been unsure what is allowed or reasonable.  Last week the nurse navigator told me I shouldn't let my heart rate get above 140. It has been nice to have a specific number, especially as I now can get my heart rate above 140 just by walking down the street or doing yoga at home.

All the cats like to come check out what I'm doing in the clay studio, especially right before dinner time

Last weekend my daughter and I walked to the downtown library. We'd done this the weekend before, too, and its a bit shorter walk than the walk to school which we do most weekday mornings. Last weekend, armed with the 140 number, we made it less than 2 blocks before I needed to take a break. On the whole walk, we needed to stop and let me breathe maybe 5 or 6 times. My husband ended up picking us up at the library because I wasn't sure I could handle walking home (or it might take forever).

This was the worst I had felt just walking, though I'm pretty sure my heart rate would have gotten higher the week before (when I forgot my watch at home). This week I hadn't walked as much because the schools were on midwinter break, it had been cold, and I had to go to Seattle on Thursday. Today I went for a nice long, slow walk to check out a new (to us) little free library and I only had to slow down twice to let my heart rate get below 140.

a sculpture I've been working on in the past weeks

Savi Scout Fail

The trip to Seattle this week was a bit ridiculous. In November, when I had my biopsy in Yakima, the people at Ohana put markers into my tumor and into the lymph node that they biopsied. These markers were meant to identify the location where the biopsy was taken. If the biopsy showed no cancer, these markers could be seen in future mammograms and show that these anomolies had already been checked. If the biopsy showed cancer the markers could help identify what needed to come out, at least I thought that was the plan.

For reasons I only partially understand, the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA, where I plan to have my surgery), wanted to put in a different type of marker, called a Savi Scout, into my lymph node. They called me a little over a week ago and scheduled the appointment for this past Thursday, then they called again (four times) that day and wanted me to come in the very next day as there had been a cancellation. We determined that skipping chemo for this procedure didn't make sense, so I waited until this week.

after I started adding texture on the bottom of the sulpture, I broke my sprig

It seems like this procedure is usually done before chemo begins, or very early in the chemo process. It sounds like it is also sometimes done shortly before surgery, but I think that's for folks who aren't doing neoadjuvant chemotherapy (before surgery chemo). I'm not sure why SCCA didn't have this Savi Scout put in in December or even January, though I suppose it might have been a miscommunication or a difference between how things are done in Yakima vs Seattle. 

Regardless, we went to SCCA on Thursday this week to have the Savi Scout put into my lymph node. My oncologist had already indicated that she couldn't detect any swelling in my lymph node any more. Both the lymph node and the tumor in my breast appear to have responded positively to the chemotherapy treatment. I asked my oncologist last week if SCCA would be able to put in the Savi Scout if she couldn't detect the involved lymph node anymore. She seemed to think it would be fine.

once I broke the sprig, I had to figure out what to do with the bottom section

When we got to SCCA, they had a doctor come in to use the ultrasound to find the old marker in my lymph node. This first doctor seemed a bit unsure of herself and didn't feel confident that she had found the marker. So she brought in another doctor. I think he was an attending, but I'm not totally sure of the difference between doctor ranks. This doctor seemed very confident and happy to help. So he looked for the marker with the ultrasound machine. He agreed with the first doctor that the thing that might be the marker wasn't clearly the marker and that together they didn't have confidence in identifying the right node. So they decided to talk to my surgeon.

My surgeon was out for the week, so they came back with a third doctor, this woman must have been some third level doctor as her confidence sort of glowed out of her. She took over the ultrasound, looked a bit and agreed with them. All three doctors asked me if I could help them by remembering where the mark was from the bioposy. They couldn't find a scar from the biopsy because the procedure was in November and tiny needle marks heal in 3 months.

I ended up mixing up the sprigged texture on the bottom section

The upshot was that they simply couldn't do the procedure because there was no visual evidence of cancer in any of the lypmh nodes and no sign of the original marker. Three different people squeezed goo on my armpit and searched with the ultrasound wand thing. I got to see my arm muscles and lymph nodes on the screen and I agree that nothing looked like anything. I got to hear the same information from an increasingly senior and more confident doctor, but the result was the same. They didn't put in a Savi Scout.

I wonder what this particular bill will look like.

Though driving to Seattle for basically nothing might not be my first choice activity, the "problem" that caused the trip to be in vain is, ultimately, that I don't have any evidence of cancer in my lymph nodes (and also that my body seems to have absorbed or hidden the marker thing). So I can't be too upset about that part. I'm just over halfway through my chemo treatment and clearly the cancer is responding the way we want it to. My daughter suggested that my immune system is so strong it consumed the marker.

I had planned to use the port-a-cath in this sculpture as well, but chose something easier once I got started

All three SCCA doctors assured me that not getting the Savi Scout wouldn't be a big deal. If I understand correctly, they will still take out some lymph nodes during the surgery. They'll do a procedure to identify the "sentinel node(s)."  I believe this amounts to putting some dye stuff in the tumor and tracking where the dye drains to. The lymph nodes that the breast area drains to first are the sentinel nodes. We've got a bunch of lymph nodes in our armpit areas and this procedure helps the doctors find out which nodes are mostly likely to have cancer in them. Then they can remove just the lymph node(s) that are likely to be a problem and not the rest.

Back in the day, they used to take out a whole bunch of lymph nodes which could lead to lymphedema or swelling in the arm. By removing just a few, they can reduce that risk of swelling. The Savi Scout would have allowed them to take out the sentinel nodes and the previously biopsied node, but the previously biopsied node might be (probably is?) also a sentinel node so it may come out regardless.

building without a plan, and adding repetitive textures, feels comforting in a way that building sculpture that is trying to communicate something about the feeling of cancer is not

As I understood it at the start of this whole process, the neoadjuvant chemotherapy had three main goals. First, and most important, was the goal of eliminating cancer in the rest of my body. Scans of my bones and body didn't reveal any evidence of cancer anywhere else in my body, but there was still the risk that there was a little bit of it somewhere that could grow in that new location, causing the cancer to spread.

The second goal was to reduce the size of the cancer in the lymph node, possibilty eliminating it. The third goal was to reduce the size of the tumor itself. As I understood it in December, the doctors thought they could do a lumpectomy (cut out the lump rather than the whole breast) even if the tumor didn't shrink and the tumor was unlikely to go away with just chemo. I think I thought that the lymph node might get smaller and might even go away.  

I did want the form of this sculpture to suggest hiding or curling up on onesself for comfort

As it turns out, the lump is smaller and the lymph node appears to have no cancer. I have to assume that means good things for any bits of cancer that might have been left in the rest of my body. All of this is clearly good news. I can't tell if it is better than expected or about what we expected. 

The good response so far does make me wonder if I need the full 20 weeks of chemo. It has always seemed like a long time. At this point it feels doable, but it still feels like I have a long way to go. The doctors assured me that even if my tumor is gone after surgery, I still need radiation, and I understand that my treatment regimen has been tested and found to be the most effective at preventing recurrence (the cancer coming back), but at the same time, it feels like a lot.

the head section of the sculpture rests on the body and is only visible from certain angles

As for the Savi Scout procedure, apparently they've only been using it to mark the involved lumph node for about a year.  Had I been doing this process a year ago, I wouldn't have had the Savi Scout anyway. On the other hand, had we caught the cancer a year ago (like, had I started mammograms at 40) I'm thinking that the whole process would have been shorter and less unpleasant. PSA: Ladies, get your mammograms!

texture detail

 

Fresh Air Art Celebration & Trouble in the Kiln

 

these little business card holder critters were created with the good clay, so they survived the firing just fine.

This coming Saturday, July 24, is the Fresh Air Art Celebration at Sarge Hubbard Park from 10-3. This is an outdoor art fair featuring 40 some local artists. I agreed to do this inagural outdoor art fair when I was invited in June, though being outside during the day in late July isn't always my favorite activity.

planters from the original firing (charcoal glaze)

The event should have work for sale by lots of artists in different media and activities for the kids (besides the playground, I'm guessing). So if you're looking for some handmade gifts or fun ceramics for your own house, come visit me next weekend!

citrus squeezers from earlier firings

I'm frankly starting to get worried now, since Larson Gallery and the Greenway don't appear to be promoting this event (everything I can find online seems to be aimed at artists, not visitors to the event). The event was presented to me first as a kid's art activity, then, later, as an opportunity for artists to sell their work.

COVID balls from earlier this year

Based on the kids, I thought this could be a decent opportunity to sell some of my smaller work, including fucntional items like planters and citrus squeezers and some COVID themed items. I even made some functional work earlier this summer and glazed it a few weeks ago before we left on a family road trip.

glazed bowls waiting for this ill-fated firing

I loaded the kiln before I left so I could fire immediately when I got home. But the results weren't what I was hoping for. Apparently I confused one of the glaze colors. I thought I had used a light grey (fog) glaze on my COVID planters and cups, when I had apparently used charcoal the first time I made these. The results are a little disappointing.

bubbled in the clay and light grey fog glaze

 

More tragically, I must have had some low fire clay mixed in with the mid fire porcelain reclaim that I used for basically everything in this firing. The low fire clay melted at mid range temperatures, meaning that parts of some of the bowls and cups melted in the kiln. Where they've melted, they've bubbled. Sometimes you can trace the swirls of the pottery wheel in the swirl of the bubbles, which might be interesting if it didn't ruin the pieces.

large bubble marring the interior of this bowl

This bubbled work really isn't safe for eating and drinking, especially if it might end up in a microwave, which is depressing, especially since some of my glazes worked well, especially in my bowls.  Some of the pieces appear to be fine, so that's a relief, but I am disappointed about the others--and about the rest of that reclaimed clay!

interior decoration after firing

I am also finding that my motivation has been sapped by the mistake. I don't really know what I should be working on, as I can't throw new pieces with this clay. I've ordered more, but I probably need to just get this reclaimed clay out of my studio so I can't make this mistake again. 

kiln partly loaded

I should be packing up for the show this weekend, but I'm feeling a little funny about the show given that the gallery isn't advertising it. Sitting outside in the hot in July and talking to people about my work can be fun. Sitting outside in the hot in July with no one there...

miniature pots from this last firing

Let me know if you're coming to the event this Saturday! Have you heard about it? Tell your friends!

Paper Layers

This weekend I spent several evenings applying mulberry and banana paper layers to the surface of some pieces. My family was out of town, so I watched about 25 episodes of The West Wing as a background to tediously ripping, glueing and sticking paper pieces on the sculptures. (Watching the show in 2014 was a little jarring. Maybe I'm just more sensitive to misogyny than I was back then--but also how can they refer to the Redskins 80 zillion times without commenting on the damn name?). 

Anyway, while I listened to the show, I put paper on about 11 pieces and finished one that I had been working on last year. The paper layer provides a contrasting surface texture and, in some cases, a contrasting color. The piece below was matte green on the outside. I think the red textured paper improves the piece. (I suppose the image is better, too.)

In some instances, the original color didn't look right or was streaky. I fired the orange and blue/green piece below about 3 times, adding layers of orange to the surface to cover up some blue streaks. Even though I reapplied the color and reglazed, the blue still showed through. This piece was started years ago, so on recent pieces I have been more careful about cleaning up my mistakes before firing. I applied the orange, yellow and tan layers of mulberry paper on the pod shapes. I might eventually add mulberry paper to the other orange sections as well. I haven't decided.

Some of the paper has fiber inclusions. Based on some research from yesterday, I think the paper is either banana or mango paper. A layer of Mod Podge (adhesive) over the top highlights the contrast between colored paper and the fibers, darkening each and sometimes emphasizing the glaze color that shows through the thin sections of paper.

The green and red pieces (above and below) are actually a wall-mounted set of forms that were supposed to be part of an installation.  I dropped one and broke it in half. The paper layer obfuscates the crack and repair--bet you can't tell which one was damaged (I can't).

One other piece had some damage to hide. The spiky blue parts (below left) had some minor cracks near the bottom. I patched them with epoxy and wood putty and was considering covering them with paper. I layered the inner spaces with red banana/mango paper and red and yellow mulberry paper, but didn't start on the blue. I didn't have blue banana paper--also I ran out of time. I could have tried some mulberry paper, but the mulberry paper is perhaps too plain or boring to cover large areas.

I may end up painting over the patched cracks on the spiky piece above so that the glazed and unglazed blue spikes can contrast against the paper textures inside. Last year I applied orange mulberry paper onto a large surface of another piece (above right) but besides being surprisingly soft, the surface is not particularly interesting.

 

I have collected my papers from a variety of sources over the years. Most of it I no longer remember buying. My parents gifted me a few rolls of red and green papers two years ago for Christmas. I used the red on the piece below, as well as a piece last year. Inside, as a contrast, I used orange paper so that the holes, which open up to the interior of the form, show a different color.

 

Unfortunately, I ran out of the orange paper. Nowhere in Yakima seems to sell handmade paper. Michael's, The Bindery, and Craft Warehouse all sell patterned card stock and other papers for scrapbooking (and stationary and drawing paper), but nothing thin, flexible and with a varied texture. I ended up searching online and I've ordered some paper to finish the interior of the box above and to use for future projects.

One of the strangest papers I already had is this Japanese lace paper with lots of holes. I applied it to a longish blue and yellow piece last year, but I didn't like it. This weekend I applied Mod Podge over the top and I am much happier with the look.

 

All the papers look different depending on whether the Mod Podge is applied just to stick the paper to the ceramic or as a layer covering the surface as well. I like both textures for different applications.

Sometimes I use the paper layer on the entire surface, sometimes for a contrast to the glazed surface. Occasionally, as in the piece above, I will apply just a tiny bit of paper to a piece. Here the red paper and Mod Podge is concentrated inside the "eyes." The rest of the surface of this piece is textured and layered with underglazes. The paper color provides a good contrast, though I've had a hard time taking a good image of this piece. (I think I tried about 6 times on two different occasions yesterday.)

One thing I haven't tried much is including a Mod Podge covered shiny surface as a contrast to the soft paper surface on the same piece. These little guys used to have red tips but they apparently bothered people, so I tried making them blue. What do you think, Josie?

In the Gallery and Epoxy Camouflage

This weekend I put the finishing touches on my last piece and took my sabbatical work to Oak Hollow Gallery for the new show that opens Tuesday. The show features my ceramic and bike part sculptures and photos by Becky Blair, Jeff Reynolds, Corinne Hines and Eric Tchemitcheff. 

an accidental picture that I kinda like

I made some changes to one of my pieces last week, but I still wasn't entirely happy with it on Saturday. I used a large quantity of epoxy to attach the metal pipe to the ceramic base. I needed a lot of epoxy for stability, but I didn't like the look of the epoxy at the seam between the ceramic and the metal.

the ugly, but strong, epoxy attachment

It is obvious that the ceramic and bike pieces are not built and fired together, but I find myself torn between wanting to acknowledge the built and combined aspect of the work and wanting to hide the attachments. I return to my inspiration, prostheses and mechanical supports, and these, too, may have visible attachments and abrupt changes between the soft natural forms of the body and the hard manufactured or built surfaces of the prosthetic. Part of the appeal for me, aesthetically, is the contrast between the two surfaces, so I hardly want to obfuscate the differences. 

the hidden epoxy

Though I don't think the essential question of attachments and joints between the two materials is answered completely, I addressed the issue in this particular piece by camoflauging the epoxy with paint. I am happier with the piece today than when I first put it together. I expect to explore the question of how to hide or celebrate those mechanical/clay boundaries in future work.

"Bespoke Piece" 2014 --it spins!

I took the last two pieces to the gallery today after my morning boot camp class. Josie, the gallery owner, had my work out already but most of the photographs weren't up yet. I placed my last two pieces and tried to take some pictures of the gallery arrangement, but I was apparently still shaky from my boot camp class, so my photos turned out blurry. 

let's pretend the blur was done intentionally so that you need to come see the show

If you'd like to see the work without the blur, and if you'd like to see the photographers' work, join us this coming Saturday from 2-4pm for an artists' reception. Oak Hollow Gallery is in the breezeway of Chalet Place at 5600 Summitview Avenue in Yakima. The show runs April 8 - May 3, 2014.

the gallery before the work was installed

Bike Wheel and Letter Pieces

The piece I was working on during spring break didn't end up working quite as planned. I intended to put a bike wheel with bulbs on it onto the base I had built with computer keyboard keys. Unfortunately the base is pretty wobbly and the bike wheel is heavy, causing the whole thing to tip over with that much weight. I traded in the wheel for some other parts, though I still have some work to do in balancing the piece.

keyboard letter piece

I altered my plan for the wheel, too, and decided to put it onto another base I had prepared for a different top. I don't believe I ended up finishing the top for that piece--it was one of several pieces that ran up against December's end of sabbatical deadline. The bike wheel was still too heavy for the new, more stable base, so I ended up filling the base with cement. I've never put cement in any of my pieces before, so this was an unusual experience.

spinning bike wheel piece

I'm not sure that this work will be particularly portable, since it is so heavy and wide, but I had fun making it. The top spins on a ball bearing that was part of one of my boxes of bike parts (Thanks, Revolution Cycles). The base, besides being filled with cement, has a bike chain built into/around it. 

I accidentally spun the wheel during the last moments of the photo, causing a strange faded color and a ghostly image in some places

I plan to bring the wheel piece and other work from my sabbatical to Oak Hollow Gallery this weekend to set up for the next show. The exhibition opens April 8 and features work by four photographers (Becky Blair, Corinne Hines, Jeff Reynolds, and Eric Tchemitchell) as well as my ceramic sculpture. Join us for the reception on April 12 from 2-4pm.