procrastination bulbs (or bulbs I made instead of glazing) |
Counting Down: Radiation & Classes
This week I am counting down the days left of radiation and summer. I've got just about three weeks left of radiation (today was #18 out of 33 total treatments). I can't tell if I am looking forward to the end or dreading it. I want to be done, but I also worry that the side effects will increase to a point where I will be in pain or at least uncomfortable. I am also starting to feel mild return-to-campus anxiety (panic?), because the end of radiation and start of convocation are so close together. I feel like the countdown to the end of one is the count up to the start of the other. I also feel both worried about my enrollments and a little funny about returning to teaching after this strange break
my hair is now long enough to make its own shapes without my permission |
In a normal year, I enter summer at a run, feeling like I want to be done with school and not think about it for a long time. Then I spend a bunch of time in the studio making work, maybe take a trip or two with my family, and basically spend my time how I choose. Then around about late August or early September, I start getting excited about going back to campus. I start thinking of projects, ways to improve my classes, and generally I start thinking I'd like to see some students again on campus.
a port-a-cath bulb made from a sprig of my ACTUAL port-a-cath |
This year was anything but normal. And as we enter the second half of August, I decidedly do not feel the way I normally do about going back to school. I didn't feel the need to get away in June and I don't feel the normal excitement to go back. To be clear, I think my lack of excitement has everything to do with the worry I feel about possibly starting school while also feeling serious side effects from radiation. I do feel ready to see students, I'm just worried that I won't feel well enough to teach well.
the (more interesting looking) port-a-cath sprigs I made before mine came out |
I haven't taught at all since December, so I never had that feeling of wanting to get away at the end of the year. In fact, around about May and June I was pretty sure that I'd be finishing radiation with plenty of time to spare before the end of summer and the start of classes. Instead, the second surgery and the extended recovery time from that pushed radiation back to the point that I was happy that it would, in fact, be finished before classes started.
lots of the real port-a-cath |
The only trips Sean and I have taken since last summer have been the trips to Seattle for surgery or for other doctor's visits. Alison didn't come along on any of those, both because she had school and because Covid restrictions don't allow her in the hospitals or clinics. In fact, she has only been in Northstar Lodge one time. I took her along to radiationi one morning and let her wait in the lobby during my treatment just because it is such an interesting building (with the waterfall and pool and garden in between the two sections) that I wanted her to see it.
not my actual port-a-cath |
Even having folks visit us has been harder than anticipated. We didn't know our summer schedule for a long time and basically had to stay put to be ready for radiation to start at any time. Since November, now that I think of it, the longest I've gone without an appointment of some kind was the four or five weeks of recovery after the second surgery. In November and December, after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we were scrambling to get consults and port surgery and scans and tests of all kinds. In December and January, with the first type of chemo I was at Northstar three days in a row, then sick for 2-5, then back the next week. In January through April, I was at Northstar weekly or two days a week for the other type of chemo. Then it was driving to Seattle for MRIs, pre-ops, post-ops, consults, and surgeries. Then the disorienting (and worrying) 4-5 week break for recovery, all the while trying to determine if we were supposed to be meeting with radiation, then OT and PT weekly and radiation daily during the week.
my port a cath (mold), pressed into a bulb |
I was telling Sean that, in a way I think it is good that school starts up right after radiation ends. If I went from constant doctor's visits for 10 months, then stopped cold-turkey without something to focus on, I imagine that would be disorienting and, strangely, upsetting. I think it will be good for me to have something to distract me from the sudden shock of no longer dealing, every day, with the thing that has been the all-consuming focus of nearly a year of my life.
the bottom layer of my kiln that still somehow does not have any glazed pieces in it despite the fact that I have a show in 17 days! |
I've heard from other folks who had cancer treatment that ended, that this time can, in fact, be hard to handle. That the change of pace and the lack of regular interaction with doctors can leave them feeling adrift or disconcerted. I'm glad I have a job I actually enjoy to return to in September. Now if only I can get my chemo-fogged and radiation-fatigued brain to focus on how nice it will be to be back in the YVC clay studio, instead of worrying that I'll be hurting (or overwhelmed) when I return.
the front of the house after the shake was stripped off the front part of the roof |
New Roof
Last week progress started on our new roof. The project took up a suprising amount of my time, given that I didn't do any of the work. The roofers (from Dunn-Wright Roofing, subcontracted through Alpine Roofing, our roof was complicated and our experience was great, let me know if you want details) did literally all the roofing work, but after pulling off the shake in the back section, they opened up access to some wiring that needed Sean's attention. With Sean's attention on the wiring and his actual body on the roof, he needed my help in the house flipping breakers, checking outlets and lights, and bringing him tools through the attic.
insulation boards stacked in front of the house for the new roof, old shake on the front-facing part of the roof, and the conveyor belt truck ready to deliver the new shingles |
The roof was cedar shake and basically needed to be replaced since around when we moved in (in 2007). There were two layers of shake in some places, three in others and the shake was drying and curling up. Some pieces had falled down. I like the look of the shake, and the roof wasn't actually leaking, but it really was getting to be time to replace it. The shape of our roof (really two separate roof areas plus a dormer and a porch roof) made the project more complicated, as did the insulation we had installed.
the front and side of our house, after the shingles on the porch were replaced |
The first part of the house was built before 1900, we aren't sure when, but our research in the reading room at the library this summer leads us to believe it was after 1889, when the map (probably) doesn't show our house and before 1900, when they started keeping records. The house was added onto over the years, and the result is three distinct sections with different roof heights and angles, as well as the porch and a dormer.
The tallest part, in the front of the house has a roundish shape, like a barn, with the roof line made up of two distinct angles on each side (front and back). The roof itself in this section forms the upper walls of the bedrooms as well as an attic that is high enough in the middle to sit in comfortably. In the last year, Sean added a pull down ladder and flooring to this attic section and Alison and her friends have been using it a space as kind of a club house.
The clubhouse attic, cleaned up after the roofing project |
The middle section of the house also has an upper story, but the roof is lower, with the peak at a 90 degree angle to the peak of the front section. The roof also forms the walls of the top floor in this section, but the "attic" here is less than two feet tall and it isn't possible to enter this "attic". There is also a dormer on the side facing the nearest neighbor, a building with four condos (presumably the view was better and the neighbors were farther away when the dormer was added).
Behind these two recently shake covered roof sections is my clay studio with a nearly flat roof with no shake or shingle. This roof is only one story high and we redid it shortly after moving in. Last week the roofers used it as a raised area to cut wood and insulation board before handing it up.
the clay studio roof makes a nice, mostly flat, work space once you get up there |
The roofing project is complicated because of the multiple different steep angles, as well as the multiple layers of shake that needed to be removed. But it is also complicated because we they added insulation in an unusual way. Because the roof forms part or all of the the walls of all the upstairs rooms, insulating the attic only didn't provide insulation for much of the upstairs. We don't have ducting for HVAC upstairs and we have always had to heat and cool those rooms separately from the rest of house, but they also aren't well insulated.
the best view I can get of the three different roof parts (tall, barn style street facing on the left, flat clay studio roof on the right) |
We called around to ask about options for insulation and roofing and had several visits with roofers, but most roofers didn't want to do anything besides the roof. They'd take off the shake and put down asphalt shingle, but that's it. We were impressed when we talked to Mike from Alpine Roofing in Tricities. He suggested using foam insulation board on top of the roof, then adding the shingle on top of that.
Replacing the cedar shake would have been expensive, but also a potential fire risk. In fact, after the shake was off, we could see a couple of areas of the roof that had small amounts of fire damage, apparently before the shake, or at least before the second layer. We had also heard that our homeowner's insurance might raise our rates or refuse to insure us if we replaced the shake, though I don't think we looked into that.
The top of the middle roof, giving some idea how hard it would be to add insulation under the roof (between the wall and roof) |
We initially were concerned about the thickness the foam boards would add to the roof, but insulating with blown insulation in the attic wasn't a great option (with an one attic just about 2 feet wide at its base. There wasn't really room to adding much insulation between the walls of the rooms and the roof. There was also some talk of dew points at the joists, but I might not have followed all of this conversation.
The reason the roofing project took me out of the studio is that there was some old wiring in the tiny attic at the peak of the middle roof section. Once the shake was off, the roofers were concerned that their nails would hit that wiring so they asked Sean to move it. Sean, meanwhile, wanted to get at that wiring because it was old and wired in a confusing way. This wire is on a breaker that controls some, but not all of the lights and outlets in three rooms upstairs, some, but not all of the lights and outlets in three rooms on the main floor and something else in the basement. It also had phantom current, meaning that when our daughter shut off her bedroom light, our bedroom light (which was off) got brighter. Not ideal, I'm thinking.
The roofers have been fast, efficient, communicative, and extraordinarily helpful. I highly recommend their work. To help Sean get to the wiring, they removed some slats in that section and cut a hole in the larger attic roof so Sean could climb out and access the lower roof. They even rigged a few boards as a way for him to step ("safely") from one roof to the other. After they left on the first day, he climbed out on the roof to test and adjust and, eventually, replace the wiring in the tiny attic space.
Since climbing in and out of the attic and onto the roof was difficult (and not the safest activity, imho), Sean had me hand him stuff through the hole as he needed it. He also had me to turn the breaker on and off and check outlets and lights throughout the house. Obviously checking the breaker and the lights was easy enough, but he started doing this on Monday of last week which was HOT, so climbing into the attic (which, remember was uninsulated, in a section of the house without AC, and with the shake removed was partly open to the sun) was not pleasant. I also helped him pull some wire through the walls in a couple of spots to replace old wire or figure out why some wire wasn't attached to anything.
the view of our front lawn from the hole cut in the attic roof |
Sean ended up working on the wiring for several days, before and after the roofers were there. He got up there around 5:30 one day to do some work before they started at 6. Needless to say, we were all up (or at least not sleeping) around 6, because people removing shake and then hammering down the excessive amount of nails before drilling and hammering in the insulation and other materials is a noisy operation. The street-facing side of the front roof is directly behind and above our heads when we are in bed. At one point they were literally hammering a few feet from our pillows.
the front roof, after the shake came off, view from the hole |
Because the opening to the attic is in her room, and because the wiring issue meant her window AC wasn't working some of the time, Alison ended up sleeping in the basement. Luckily, Sean had finished the basement earlier this summer, and we bought a guest bed at IKEA the day before one of my surgeries. She's still sleeping down there in an effort to let her sleep a bit late, since she has such long days at band camp during these two weeks.
Sean getting help repainting the chimney on the last day the roof was accessible through the attic |
Band Camp
The reason I was helping in the attic last week instead of having Alison do the hot climing-in-the-attic tasks was that she has been at band camp all day. Davis marching band is pretty intense, actually. The whole marching band, including incoming 9th graders started learning their music in June, before the end of 8th grade for Alison. They attended a two day camp the first Friday and Saturday in June, with a short performance on Saturday afternoon. Then any students who were in town had practice 5-9 on Tuesdays all summer.
I have no band pictures, but here's a cat parked in the Employee of the Year spot at the vacant hospital near us |
Darter is enjoying the sunbeam |
While I feel sympathy for the sousaphone players, who have to march and sometimes run around the field with heavy instruments, when they are done, they carry the sousaphone off the field and go home. Most of the other instruments just walk across the grass, carrying their instruments to their cases, vehicles, bikes, whatever, and leave. When front ensemble finishes, they have to push not only their instruments, but also the speakers and generators and carry their stands along a circuitous path (avoiding stairs, most curb cuts, and other impediments) through grass, gravel, sidewalk, over the trolley tracks (twice) and back to the band room.
Buddy needs the reassurance of a lap while the scary roofers are here |
The other day, when they finished practicing, Alison reported that the director asked other kids to help front ensemble take their stuff back or, he said, front ensemble would be there an extra hour. They must get a bit of help, because Alison usually gets home a little after 8:30 (the band room entrance is nearly two blocks from our back door), but if you know taking the instruments back takes 30 minutes to an hour, why don't you send front ensemble back early?
Darter on studio monitor duty |
Apparently the Davis marching band is pretty good. I should hope so given how much time is devoted to their practice! The two weeks of band camp isn't even it for the summer. They have a performance for the parents this coming Saturday. They were supposed to arrive at 8 on the first day, and percussion and color guard had two extra days of practice the Thursday and Friday before, from 9-4. When school finally starts, Alison is going to be relieved to have such a short day (except, of course, for marching band practice Tuesday and Thursday evenings, after cross country)!
Buddy, melting upstairs |
Because I really do think that marching band is cool, Sean and I also volunteered to help with the camp and other band stuff. I started at 7:30 last Monday taking registration fees and forms. Then I helped size and check out uniforms a couple of days during the week. Tonight I helped to serve dinner (though there were enough people that I was really not an essential part of the team. I did, however, scoop some lettuce and, later, cover some vegetables in plastic wrap.
Buddy stretching upstairs |
the generator cart with sound dampening panels |
first and second layers of underglaze on some abstract bulbs |
Last week, for example, we finished checking out uniforms to a batch of students. It was 11:45 and students have a one hour on their own lunch break at 12. I suggested we stop at 11:45 because we couldn't get another group sized and checked out in less than 15 minutes. Instead, the director sent a fairly sizable group of students, who weren't able to be sized and checked out in 15 minutes, and we ended up keeping them at least 15 minutes past their lunch break. It may not seem like a big deal, but losing 15 minutes (plus walking back to the school, since the uniforms aren't stored at the school) of your break in the middle of a long long day, seems unreasonable to me (as does keeping the front ensemble late because they haven't factored in travel time).
Studio Time
Despite the wiring assistance and the band boostering and the daily trips to radiation and the weekly PT and OT and the fatigue (boy, when I say it that way it looks like a lot), I did get some time in the studio this week.
All summer I've spend less time in the studio than in a typical summer, even without any trips. Somehow you'd think that without teaching and without traveling, I'd have had way more time in the studio all year, but apparently chemo and surgery and recovery and radiation aren't quite the same as, say, a sabbatical.
an abstract textured bulb |
In January (winter quarter) I was basically sick every other week from chemo. Once the "red devil" AC chemo ended, I struggled a bit with neuropathy, but was doing much better with side effects by the end of April when chemo ended. By that time I was spending some regular time in the studio and also exercising regularly. I had two differed surgery dates in May and June (plus trips to Seattle for consults and tests).
a textured bulb with a new boba tea lid texture |
By early summer I was recovering from the second surgery and had restrictions imposed by the surgeons (the breast surgeon and the plastic surgeon) and later by my lymphedema OT (occupational therapist) and PT (physical therapist). Besides the restrictions they told me about, I found that I had less energy to spend in the studio and got tired or sore more quickly than a year ago.
The advice that is given generally is to keep up your activity during radiation so that you don't get so fatigued. This advice sounded easy to follow in April and May, but by the time radiation actually started, I'd reduced my activity and range of motion for so long that my PT now doesn't want me doing more than a 10 minute run every other day! Both she and the lymphedema OT are concerned about swelling in my arm and chest/side.
the same shell sprig bulb after excessive time with a ball stylus |
I am at risk of lymphedema because of how many lymph nodes were removed in the second surgery. The concern is that if the swelling (lymphedema) doesn't go down, it can lead to permanent lympedema swelling. The probable factors causing the current swelling are heat, exercise, and radiation. Guess which of these we can control?
more texture |
So, am I fatigued from the radiation, the heat, or the reduced exercise (compared to what I was doing in April/May or October)? Or all three? The only one I can control is the exercise, so I am doing less of that, on the doctors' orders. This also tends to mean that I spend less time in the studio, partly in an effort to take it easy and not "overdo it". Part of me wonders if "taking it easy" is an excuse for procrastination or laziness. On the other hand, I have been through kind of a lot this year.
I can't stop adding texture |
I am (still) trying to get stuff finished, glazed, and fired before the Labor Day weekend Yakima Artist's Studio Tour at my house. I've got a batch of pieces mostly glazed, yet somehow I kept finding myself making more bulbs (because making is more fun than glazing) or writing an epic blog post, instead of finishing glazing. I really do need to finish glazing this week so I can fire after the roofers leave, so I can glaze the functional pieces and fire them by the end of next week, so that I can clean my studio before the tour on the third.
a newish dried water lily sprig and ball stylus texture |
I had originally planned to glaze and fired earlier so that I left myself lots of time to clean. I wanted to be able to spread out the cleaning if I wasn't feeling well by the end of August. Instead, I'm just dragging it out and taking my time with the glazing. I don't know if I can blame fatigue or if fatigue causes procrastination or if I am just out of the regular rhythms of the studio. Somehow it has taken me 4 or 5 days to add a second coat of glaze to a batch of bulbs I started glazing last week, but once I get myself moving, it shouldn't take that long to finish. And finding the time and energy to clean is future Rachel's problem.
the first layer of glaze on some bulbs |
Hopefully, then, the next time I write a blog post here, I'll have a finished roof, a finished batch of bulbs, some finished sculpture, and some mugs and plates in the kiln. If I'm really on top of it, another post with those images will be written and published before the Tour!
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