Why did I get Cancer?

CW: Cancer (still not ceramics). Nothing queasy-making this time, but some performative 

Why did I get Cancer?

Since my cancer diagnosis, I've been trying to figure out why I got cancer. I think the question is natural, both from the standpoint of how to prevent this in future (or how I could have prevented it or how my daughter and friends and family could avoid it in future) and from the "why me?" kind of emotional reaction to the bad news.

Immediately I found that the world (the internet, books, podcasts, doctors, friends, random people) has two or three kinds of responses:  

Stuff Happens

The response from the medical professionals with whom I have communicated (for the record, that's at least 11 individuals with whom I've talked about causes) has been uniformly "we don't know" and there isn't a clear cause for this. 

Why me?

The serious books about breast cancer have also pretty consistently supported the argument that there's basically no reason why I got cancer. I find this frustrating, which is why I've kept searching, but I have to admit that right now there isn't a good answer to the question of why I, specifically, got breast cancer. To be clear, there are some clear risk factors, including lifestyle factors, but they don't appear to be relevant to my situation.

According to The National Cancer Institute, as of November 14, 2021, my risk for developing breast cancer between 2021-2026 was .7% 

It's a Gift

There's another camp that goes in for the "everying happens for a reason" and "this is an opportunity to grow" crap that belongs in Hallmark cards that belong in the trash. This is the idea that breast cancer can be a wake-up call to me to change my life or love my family more or create the life I'm supposed to be living...or build an effigy of this soggy sentimentality, tie it up in pink ribbons, and burn it to ashes before anyone else in this position has to breathe in its toxic positivity. This stuff doesn't cause me any anxiety. It is stupid. No one I care about has tried to sell it to me, and all I feel compelled to do is point it out in an effort to ensure that nothing with a pink bow comes near my life right now. 

We already owned these scissors. We bought them years ago because they were cheap. My family thinks its funny to offer them to me when cutting needs to happen, but I prefer the orange Fiskars in my desk.

Toxic Sludge

The third type of response, when looking for why this happened is, in my opinion, a pile of toxic sludge. This is people, books, websites, etc with the answer. Usually the answer is simple (sugar! stress! deodorant! bras! meat!) and implies that the person who got cancer could have (easily) avoided their plight had they just been more virtuous, those lazy slackers.

I think these kinds of "easy" simple answer come to us as a result of an incomplete understanding of science combined with the search for easy to market answers. These ideas come mostly from hacks and quacks selling books and promoting diets, videos, and/or podcasts. These victim-blamey sound-bite answers are harmful to people in general and especially women with cancer. (Men also can get breast cancer, but the toxic sludge is clearly aimed at women.)  

Honestly, I see a lot of similarities between these ideas about breast cancer causes and the kinds of body shaming, blame-the-mother, and anti-women rhetoric and ideas in our society. I also see a similaritiy between these ideas about breast cancer causes and the low-logic, high-fear rhetoric of Qanon type consipracy thinking (the cancer doctors are out to get us because they're evil and want us to buy deodorant with aluminum in it and wear too-tight bras!). 

What Actualy Causes Cancer

So, obvious caveat here: I am not a medical professional. I write this blog because it helps me process my thoughts and feelings (usually about ceramics and teaching). Lately I've been writing to process my fears, anxieties, and, today, rage about my own personal breast cancer diagnosis. There are lots of good resources and I'm only trying to process what these resources (and others) have said. Read them for, like, facts and stuff. Read me because you care about me or because you like my color commentary.

Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook by Judy C Kneece, 9th edition, 2020 (the book the folks at Ohana gave me on Nov 15)

I started with the Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook that I was given when I was first told I have cancer. This is the only one I've pretty much read cover to cover (I didn't read about all of the different types of chemo medications because by then I knew which ones I'd be getting). This book was very helpful, especially right away, in just getting me some basic information. It's a pretty quick read. They've included comments from other breast cancer "survivors" about their journey, and though the quotes are in pink calligraphy, and a few of them are #2 above (i.e. my diagnosis changed my life, what a gift), most of them are useful or relatable.

Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, 6th edition, 2015

Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book is thick and I certainly haven't read it cover to cover, but I'm working my way through the sections on causes and prevention, chemotherapy, and complementary treatments. The early section on the biology of what causes breast cancer is useful, in my opinion, for getting a laywoman's understanding of the mutation process that causes cancer. I had read similar information already, but the repetition is useful, as are Love's analogies. The author compares DNA to a cooking recipe and the immune system to neighborhood watch, local police, and national guard. 

Part of the reason I like the focus on the biological process of how cancer develops is that it isn't simply a on-off switch and the causes are complex and interrelated. It's not like silicosis, which is a type of cancer caused from inhaling silica dust. This is a type of cancer that clay folks know to be concerned about. If we don't keep our studios clean and don't wear masks when mixing clay and glazes from powder, we can inhale tiny silica particles in the clay which irritate our lungs and can eventually irritate them enough to cause the disease. Pretty straightforward, in this situation, to see the risk, see how it leads to the problem, and, in this case, avoid the risk in our daily lives.

Breast cancer hasn't been clearly linked to one single cause like this. Though being a person with breasts certainly makes is much more likely that you will develop breast cancer, a lot of people with breasts don't develop breast cancer. Also, it's significantly harder to avoid having breast tissue than it is to avoid breathing in silica dust. 

So, there are a few factors that have been shown, with reliable scientific research, to impact your chances of getting breast cancer. Being a woman makes it more likely (men can get breast cancer because men have a bit of breast tissue). Not having a child, not breastfeeding, or having a child later in life can make it more likely. The density of one's breasts can also make breast cancer more likely. 

There are also some genetic risks, though genetically linked breast cancers are pretty rare. Only 5-10% of breast cancers (or is it people with breast cancer? I'm not sure if that 5-10% counts people or individual instances of cancer, as one person could have cancer multiple times and someone with a genetic predisposition might have it more than once) have a genetic cause. 

As I am young for cancer (and presumably because I don't have other clear risk factors), I have met with a genetic counselor and will be doing a genetic test. According to the list of 9 items that would make my doctors recommend a genetic test, I meet the criteria 2 or maybe 3 times. Number one on the list is simply "Personal history of breast cancer, diagnosed at or before forty-five" (page 98, Love).

There are also some lifestyle things that can impact one's risk. These are the ones that make me mad. Dr. Love's book doesn't specifically make me mad, but I keep looking for a reason or something I can change to lower my risk going forward and I keep butting up against these top few suggestions. I find these when I'm looking for lifestyle changes I can make under the category of "complementary therapies." First, I should try not to be overweight. Done. Second, I should try to work out. Sigh. I do this already. 

I should not drink to excess (I probably have a total of less than three drinks a year). I should not smoke (I don't always see this one listed for breast cancer, but still, it isn't relevant to me). Then the list of suggestions becomes a little more vague as we move on from these. Maybe diet might impact breast cancer, but we're not sure how. Fruits and vegetables are good for you, maybe eat more?

This is the point at which I invariably throw up my hands (or throw down the book I'm reading). Depending on my mood, I'm now mad because I already do all this. I don't drink, don't smoke, I've got a healthy BMI (there are some real problems with BMI as stand-in for health, that I don't need to bring in here, but if you're curious, I've been really enjoying the podcast Maintenance Phase, in which the funny hosts research various health and wellness topics, including BMI and talk about their research). I work out regularly and walk to work regularly. I eat pretty healthy most of the time. According to the damn list, I shouldn't have breast cancer.

A handy list on page 147 of Love, of things I already did. (I even tried to do #9, "Have a doctor evaluate any breast symptoms or changes that develop" in July, but by then it was already too late.)

If I'm in a more melancholy mood, I realize that I could work out more than I do. I only "do a workout" maybe 30-50 minutes at a time 3-5 days a week. I could be doing a lot more. One time I took a week off. And I only walk to school most days. Maybe I should be running. Maybe I should move farther away from work so it'll be a longer walk, or run. And my diet isn't 100% healthy. I sometimes eat candy or ice cream or fast food. Do I always eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables each day? Probably not! What if they aren't the right fruits and vegetables anyway? And what about that mojito I had in 2019?

I believe I am mentally stable enough, most days, to break myself out of the thought spiral above. My husband helps by reminding me that compared to a lot of people I exercise quite a bit and eat pretty healthy. But having cycled through both sets of thoughts on this list of risk factors and lifestyle changes for a few weeks now, I think I've come to a realisation. And that is that I never did enjoy statistics or probability. 

If I had understood probability, I might have understood how sometimes the thing with the low statistical odds happens anyway. In the real world, there isn't a committee that looks at your diet and exercise log, measures your BMI and assigns breast cancer only to the folks who didn't do everything on the darn list. 

Seriously, probability is stupid and I didn't like it when I was trying to learn it in school and I don't like it now. But I have come to a kind of equilibrium in my feelings about risk and lifestyle factors. I'm becoming calmer about it and I think I can confidently say that I developed breast cancer for no reason. I didn't do something wrong. I didn't deserve it. I didn't screw up and let it happen. It wasn't my fault and, unfortunately, it doesn't appear to be anyone else's fault either.  (Which is what my doctors said in the first place, I just wasn't ready to listen.)

My lifetime risk as of early November, according to The National Cancer Institute.

Why my Rant isn't Over

My path didn't move in a direct line from good advice and good resources to comfort with the idea that this wasn't something I could have controlled. Instead I've bounced back and forth between different resources as I've tried to navigate which ones are reasonable. Along the way, I've encountered some things that have really frustrated me and made me feel bad (bad, guilty, scared, worried, all that).

The good news is that very few of these frustrations have come from actual people. Aside from a few odd interactions, mostly from random people (as in, not friends and family), people I know have stuck to wishing me well and agreeing that cancer sucks. They've also brought me food and listened and offered to listen and brought/sent cards, and well wishes, and gifts, and at least 3 people have offered Alison a place to stay when we're in Seattle, and even offered to help with groceries or Christmas shopping. Friends with cancer or who have gone through this before have offered invaluable advice and suggestions about all manner of things (so far the vast majority of the advice from everyone has been helpful and all of it has been well-intentioned and makes me feel supported).

The annoying stuff has come mostly from books, podcasts, and online resources, most of which I have encountered while I was trying to find out more about either why I got this or what I could do to help it go away (besides following medical advice). To be fair to my medical professionals, the very first day the woman at Ohana told me to stay off of the internet for questions about cancer (I listened to that advice a medium amount).

Food, maybe

When looking for books about breast cancer, its hard to know what is reliable and what isn't. In fact, SCCA gave me a list of books that I think includes some duds. For example, I started reading Dr. Kristi Funk's book, Breasts: The Owner's Manual and it seemed reasonable for a while. It called out some myths about cancer causes, but I stopped reading when I got to the section about how diet impacts breast cancer "a lot." This contradicts what I got from Dr. Love's book (as I understand it, she says that we're not sure what parts of diet matter). Dr. Funk goes on to talk about prostate cancer and diet, tells us that coffee or caffeine doesn't cause cancer but also suggests that it is bad for cancer. Then she tells us dairy isn't a breast cancer cause but that you shouldn't drink it because of saturated fat. Then she goes on to talk backwards and fowards about meat. I have no idea what her point is or if she is recommending avoiding meat.

Funk's writing style is chatty and includues a lot of questions she only kind of answers, but I couldn't follow it. Perhaps the book is ok, but it seems to focus a lot on what to eat or not eat and she hasn't convinced me that she knows. Her diet advice might be ok, but her writing style and the ways in which this advice contradicts what I hear from my doctors and what I've read in the two reliable books doesn't give me upmost confidence in her book or the primacy of diet in controlling cancer. 

I do think that I will keep exploring diet in these books that I haven't finished, and, of course, we can always make our diets better, I'm sure, but the reliable information seems to be conflicting at best and I'm not convinced I need to fret about what I've already eaten or what I can tolerate during chemo. Bottom line, it does not seem clear that my fairly healthy omnivorious diet caused my cancer. During chemo, it seems clear that keeping myself hydrated and eating something is most important. Trying to change my diet isn't recommended right now, and I wouldn't know what to change it to anyway.

The Most Toxic Sludge

While I was looking for resources, I came across some podcasts/podcast episodes that focus on breast cancer. I've listened to a few individual episodes about chemo supplies (Breast Cancer is Boring), Meal Train (Breast Cancer and the Unknown) and Fewer Breast Cancer Cases (The Exam Room). These have so far been mildly helpful and the Breast Cancer is Boring podcast is fun.

I haven't listened to a lot yet, but so far I am enjoying this one.

Then there's this podcast, The Model Health Show by Shawn Stevenson. This podcast made me sooo angry. Honestly, I only got about halfway through it because I kept stopping the podcast to angrily fact-check the host. The episode is The Truth About Breast Cancer and yes, I now realize that the click-bait title should have warned me off, but I was in a fragile state, okay?

In the first 23 minutes of this one single episode, this guy tells us that antiperspirant and bras somehow block the lymphatic system from working, causing aluminum to back up through the lymph system into the breast where it causes tumors. He explains that because women shave, the aluminum in the antiperspirant goes into our system, whereas men who don't shave their armpits don't get breast cancer. He says that cancer is a wake-call for us to live differently and suggests that if your bra leaves a mark on your skin at the end of the day, that should have woke you up, too. He vaguely blames lotions that women use and wants Victoria Secret to change their products so that women won't get cancer. He blames sugar for breast cancer and tells us that biopsies cause metastasis or spread of the cancer. And finally, he explains that "groundbreaking" research tell us that more people die from chemotherapy than from leaving the breast cancer untreated.

This dude is a charlatan and is making the world less safe. Seriously! I want to know how this guy is allowed to spread his garbage without getting called on it?  Because once I started to feel skeptical, I tried to look him up; I tried to find critical reviews. There was almost nothing!

Biopsy Spread

As I said, I did look up a bunch of these claims. There is a small chance of a biopsy spreading cancer, so it's possible, but accoring to this Cancer.net article, it isn't something we should be overly worried about and the idea that we should was spread via a guy who lost his medical license. Without that information, it is still hard to understand how a doctor would confirm that you have cancer without checking and biopsies seem like a pretty standard method for doing that. If you couldn't biopsy, it seems like you'd just have to do major surgery on anything that might be cancer. Before my biopsy, I looked up the numbers and found that 4/5 biopsies do not result in cancer. Before my diagnosis I liked that my odds were 80% for it being ok. Stupid probability.

Antiperspirant and Bras 

I didn't look up the antipersirant and/or bras block your lymph node theory because I had already encountered it. It was also debunked in Dr. Funk's book. Your body has a lot of lymph nodes in a lot of places. They drain stuff in association with your blood flow. I don't totally understand all of it, but you can't just shut off your body's drainage and blood flow by wearing a tight bra. I mean, your bra would have to be astoundingly tight. You would know that something was wrong. I'm thinking you might crack a rib. 

The lymph nodes aren't the same as your sweat glands and even if they were, it seems reasonable to assume they don't collect stuff from the skin under your arm and drain it into your breast. That would be an unsafe and frankly bizarre way for your body to operate. What would happen in you fell in the mud? Would you end up with mud cancers in your breasts? Here's an article from the American Cancer Society debunking some of these myths around deodorant and antiperspirant. This article also talks about aluminum and parabens.

Sugar

Sugar is another of his bugaboos. The story is a little more complicated here, and frankly boring. See this article from Cancer Research UK to read more boring information about sugar and cancer. My summary: cancer cells use sugars, so do other cells. Being overweight or obese is linked to higher rates of cancer and lots of sugar can help you gain weight. Severely restricting sugar from your diet can be harmful during chemo because severely restricting your diet can be harmful. See? It's boring because we already know all of this. Cutting out sugar won't magically cure cancer, but don't eat too much for a variety of reasons. This boring, complicated answer jibes with the unclear information about diet in general. Try to eat healthy, but we're not sure exactly what that means or how much it matters anyway.

Treatment Kills

The last thing this guy talked about was really surprising, which is probably a good metric to use to eliminate advice out of hand. If it is really shocking and contradicts everything you've been told, maybe it isn't true. He said that chemo is one of the most harmful causes of cancer. He goes on to refer to "groundbreaking research out of UC Berkeley, led by Dr. Hardin Jones" into Tamoxifen. He quotes Jones as saying "my studies have proved conclusively that untreated cancer victims actually live up to four times longer than treated individuals," and explains that people who refuse treatment live an average of 12.5 years compared to those who opt for treatment (chemo and surgery) and only live an average of 3 years. I quoted him here because it is so much! 

I tried to look up this "ground breaking" research and this claim. Again, I am not a professional knower of medical research techniques, so I may just be wrong, but I figured this person and the claim shouldn't be too hard to track down. The link from the podcast page sends us to a bizarre article on Rethinking Cancer that appears to be posted but not written in 2020 and the only author name seems to suggest it was written by Jones, when it clearly wasn't. (I'm not including the link because I don't want to encourage connections to junk websites, but is easy enough to find via the podcast name if you want to look.) As far as I can tell, this Dr. Hardin Jones died in 1978. (I found a younger Hardin Jones, but he does not appear to be a doctor or researcher specializing in cancer.) If this is true, its hard to understanding how 43+ year old research is ground-breaking! 

The other relevant website I found was AnonHQ, with an "article" titled Berkeley Doctor Claims People Die from Chemotherapy, Not Cancer (again, I'm not linking to junk, but it's easy to find if you want to). This piece of media is incredible, really. The text below the video says that in the video we hear from Dr. Hardin B. Jones. But the doctor in the video is clearly identified as someone else. But wait, it gets better! Two paragraphs later is an alleged quote from Jones with a hyperlink to his "study."  When you click on the study, you get to a pretty random website--one of those text only pages with an unclear title/date/ownership. On the other hand, this text-only page includes author name and list of references, which is more than I can say about AnonHQ and Rethinking Cancer. The thing about this link, though, is that it contradicts the text at AnonHQ that it has been linked to (seemingly to provide support). This text only article puts Jones in context explaining that this presentation at which he derided ccancer treatment was in 1956. You might not guess it, but a bit has changed in the past 65 years!

Condescending Wake-up Call

On his podcast, this host guy is having a fake sort of dialogue with a female cohost (I didn't find her name after minimal searching). Her job is to act shocked or agree with whatever he says. I think she's meant as a proxy for what his audience is supposed to be thinking, but I kept thinking how condescending the dialogue felt. He's clearly selling something (diet books, podcast, etc), and this is an infomercial, but it just makes me mad that it's sold to people who are already upset and off-balance because of their recent diagnosis. And what he's selling is snake oil. None of this stuff is the cause of the cancer, taking off your bra and eschewing your deodorant isn't going to help, and refusing treatment based on medical advice from the 50s is actually going to hurt people!

This guy says that a cancer diagnosis should be a wake-up call to change one's life. But once we remove the garbage from this list of advice, I'm left with nothing. If I don't buy into his false and dangerous ideas, I'm back to square one. The wake up call is to...um...do exactly what I was doing already, but get more mammograms? I got cancer for no reason and that simply sucks, but it this guy doesn't have a solution for me or a product for me to buy to make it all better.

More Subtle Toxic Sludge 

Besides the crap so efficiently collected on this guy's podcast, there are two more kinds of things that have really irked me in looking for causes or solutions. One is explicitly identified as a cause, the other is more insidiously wrapped into wellness/fitness culture. 

Stress

This one I've encountered a couple of times, but I'm not sure of exactly where. I do know that I encountered this in a support group thing that I've been using. The app is Breast Cancer Healthline and it's bascially a self-contained Facebook for breast cancer folks. The content is mostly semi-organized discussion groups where people with breast cancer can talk to each other about symptoms, treatment, living with cancer, etc. So far it has been mildly useful, if a little depressing, and non-toxic. 

The other day a woman asked a question about whether stress had caused her cancer. The idea that stress causes cancer upsets me, though not at much as most of the stuff identified above. According to Kneece, in my Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook, "The average breast cancer has been in the body for 8-10 years when it is discovered." Other sources give different ranges from 2-5 or 3-9 years. As far as I can tell, the rate of growth varies too much between and within cancers to have really accurate information on this. 

But the issue I see is that breast cancer (maybe especially when the lump is found by the breast owner themselves) isn't likely to have developed just recently. If your original cancer mutation happened because of stress, how long do you go back to find that stress-based cause? If I had a stressful life event 5 years ago and things have been fine lately, does that mean stress is to blame for starting my cancer? What if things were peachy 5 years ago but the last months have been really tough? Does that mean my original mutation was random, but the stress made the cancer grow? Pinpointing the start of the stress that caused the cancer feels a bit like reading a horoscope. I'm sure that all of us can find at least one stressful event within the last 10 years of our lives that we can blame for either the original mutation or the continuing growth of the cancer.

The next part is defining the stress event, which doesn't seem to be clear in what I've read. When we blame stress, are we blaming a stressful life event, like an accident or losing a loved one? Can it be the regular stress of grading during finals week or does it have to be acute, long-term, or unusual? Or are we just talking about how stress is handled? Can two people with the same life event perceive it as stressful or not that stressful? Can you handle your stress with yoga and mediation or does it have to be eliminated entirely? We can't answer these questions because the folks blaming stress don't seem to know what they mean. It also isn't clear to me that studies have been done to check that we're blaming the right thing.

The corollary, and the reason I see stress-as-cancer-cause as an insidious and toxic scapegoat is that blaming stress (especially without a clear definition of what that means) seems a lot like blaming the person with cancer. If you have cancer, this implies, then you didn't manage your stress well sometime in the last decade and thus are responsible for your own cancer. And you know we're all going to fail that test. BreastCancer.org agrees with me that stress doesn't cause breast cancer. 

Wellness

This last one may just be me getting cranky during all this searching for a cause, but a week or two ago a friend who teaches fitness classes posted a meme along the lines of the one below. It said something to the effect of "If you do not make tiem for your wellness,  you will be forced to make time for your illness." 

I found this unattributed quote image at Julie Genney Coaching, where, to be fair, she contextualizes it in relationship to healing from an injury.

Can you see why this makes me mad?  I've been making time for my wellness by exercising regularly, eating healthy, doing yoga, lifting weights, walking, running, getting regular checkups, taking my vitamins, etc for most of my adult life. I have made the time and you know what? You know what? I am now making time for my dang illness. And there was nothing I could have done about it.  

I know that this meme is supposed to be motivation to go to the gym or whatever. And if it works for folks, I guess that's fine, but seeing it this month just made me cranky. It implies that folks with illness didn't take the steps to prevent it. I did! It looks like a guarantee that taking these steps before will innoculate me against getting an illness later. It didn't! 

I did not do anything that should have led to me getting breast cancer. And you know what? If you're reading this because you have breast cancer, your probably didn't either. Cancer came and it got us for no clear reason other than that we live in the world and the world has stuff in it that causes mutuations and some of those mutations turn into cancer. 

Picture an idyllic time before deodorant and bras and traffic and McDonald's and soda and cigarettes and chemo and biopsies and office jobs and airplane and cell phones and whatever other damn thing we're blaming for cancer today. Are you picturing that time? Let's go way back, say 4000 years ago, before all that modern crap existed. At this time, the ancient Egyptians had breast cancer. The ancient Greeks had breast cancer. A few hundred years ago people had wacky ideas about what caused breast cancer (kinda like now). Breast cancer is a thing that happens and we don't understand exactly why.

An exellent book on the history of cancer. I read it back in the day and then re-read it this month and enjoyed it more as it meant more this time around.

One more thing about wellness and stress and cancer myths. I've had a lot of people tell me that it is really important to maintain a positive attitude. These people mean well and they usually accompany this advice with an offer of help or with actual help. I'm a pretty baseline-cheerful person, so I mostly take this suggestion to have a positive attitude as it is meant: they care, they aren't sure what to do, and they want to assure me that I'll be ok. (I hope I'll be ok, I mostly think I will be, but as Tig Notaro says, "It might not be ok"). 

I think it may be helpful to maintain a positive attitude so that I'm not grumpy and sad and so that I don't just curl up in a ball on the couch and cry. But as a treatment strategy, the evidence is not there that a negative attitude will make your cancer worse. And cancer sucks, so my take is that if you wanna feel bad for yourself, cry, rage, be upset, etc, go ahead and do it. We don't need to feel guilty on top of feeling sad or depressed, because our reasonable emotions aren't making the cancer worse!

Complementary Therapies I'm Willing to Try

I don't want to suggest that all complementary therapies are worthy of derision (though I do enjoy making fun of those that are). Complementary therapies, as I understand it, are ones that don't stop you from proceeding with the medical treatments recommended by doctor, and that might help, but don't cause harm. They may be known to be beneficial or just suspected of helping. They may also be a better fit for some people than others (for example, my fear of needles makes me reluctant to try acupuncture). 

The main thing, from my perspective is that you don't need to feel guilty or responsible for your cancer if you can't try or maintain these complementary therapies. A healthy diet can be a complementary therapy, but I would argue that restrictive or fad diets would not be because they could harm your ability to stay healthy during chemo. 

The complementary therapy that has caught my eye just recently is laughter therapy. Basically "laughter is the best medicine."  My folks mentioned this the other day and and it is identfied in Dr. Love's book, too. She didn't identify research to support it, but it certainly can't hurt, right?

Your Assignment

So, to everyone who keeps asking what they can do to help, I've got an assignment for you: I need books, streaming movies/tv, and/or podcasts to make me laugh. I'm talking laugh out loud, fall out of the chair would be best, make my stomach hurt from laughing instead of nausea. What makes someone laugh is subjective, so I've been trying to think about what does it for me. I'm thinking satire of modern life, silliness, and not too much blue/body humor. I'm not sure how one finds a humor match, so I figure I'll include some things I already know I like:

Fiction: Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, The Thursday Next series. Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, (Apparently I'm an anglophile), Christopher Moore, Where did you go Bernadette?. I don't understand why A Confederacy of Dunces or White Teeth show up on lists of funny books (I thought they were both depressing).

Essaists & Comedians: Sarah Vowell, W. Kamau Bell, Sloane Crosley, Lindy West, Phoebe Robinson, Tig Notaro, Mindy Kaling, older David Sedaris (I haven't been as amused lately, idk why)

Podcasts: Wait Wait Don't Tell Me (especially when Paula Poundstone, Hari Kondabolu, or Maeve Higgins are on), Maintenance Phase, The Bugle/The Gargle, Politically Reactive, Don't Ask Tig

Movies/TV: "Girl" Ghostbusters (the one with Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, in fact, it would be nearly as good if it was just Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones on screen for 2 hours), The Princess Bride, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Dr. Who (specifically Matt Smith's seasons), The Good Place, Crazy Rich Asians (Awkwafina). The vast majority of my TV/Movie watching over the past 5-10 years has been with my daughter who really dislikes romance and swearing, but I figure while she's at school (and I'm not working), I might be able to watch things she wouldn't tolerate.

Chemo Begins

TW: I'm going to write about cancer some more because that's what's on my mind. Honestly, I get a little queasy talking about some of this stuff, so I totally don't blame you if you'd rather skip this one. 

here are some cats to look at instead

I keep thinking I'm going to write a kid-friendly version of this whole thing for my nephews and nieces, but I haven't gotten there yet. I assume it will be an epic battle involving super-fast growth rates, toxic red pee, and, apparently a bad guy called "constant nausea man."  Today's not-for-kids version does feature toxic red pee, so read on if that's your jam. 

Chemo Begins

I had my first round of chemo last Wednesday. Monday was probably the first day that I felt mostly normal, though by the time I finished drafting this post, that was no longer the case. So much of this process is wrapped up in fear and anticipation and uncertainty, that it's a little hard to gauge what normal is anymore. Is my low-level headache and slight nausea a result of the chemo, nerves, stress, or is it my imagination? When I think about some of it, I get scared or anxious, is that the cause of my slight tummy ache and headache?

during my first infusion

This is really what we're doing, huh? 

The chemo I am doing consists of three different "medicines" (aka poisons) taken in two separate cycles (or sets of cycles, idk). The first four infusions are Adriamycin and Cytoxan. I get one infusion of the two "medicines" every other week for 8 weeks. After that there will be weekly infusions of Taxol for 12 weeks.

It just blows my mind that four infusions, each taking only a few hours, can knock me out for 2 months! I understand the concept, and there's a bit more to it than that, but I found it mind-boggling when I first learned that this terrifying, unpleasant process doesn't consist of being in a hospital for weeks on end or even getting infusions of chemo multiple times a week. I still find it hard to wrap my head around what we're doing and what the impacts are. 

Basically, as I understand it (and I have a stack of partially read books that suggest that I'm only begining to understand it), chemotherapy drugs are designed to kill cells that divide quickly. That's good news for my fast growing cancer. As those cancer cells divide quickly, the idea is to have the chemo drugs knock them out (and take all their little clones with them!). The bad news for me is that I have some other fast dividing cells in my body and I was using them, thank you very much. The chemo drugs also do a number on my red and white blood cells, which is why I am now officially categorized as"immune compromised."

So in the time between my infusions, the chemo drugs are killing stuff (hopefully cancer) and my immune system is taking friendly fire or "acceptable losses" or whatever we want to call them. The other drugs they give me are helping to fight nausea and grow my white blood cells and try to keep the rest of me in better shape than the cancer. 

Cali doesn't find my toxic post-chemo fumes off-putting

My Chemo Experience (so far)

Though I am not spending hours or days in the hospital multiple times each week, I am going to the clinic 3 times a week for the one infusion. Two of the visits are very short; the day before the infusion I have a blood draw, which is to check that my body can handle the upcoming infusion. Then the day after the infusion, I go back for a shot of "growth factor" which is something that stimulates white blood cell growth in my bones. To oversimplify, they check that I can handle the poison, then poison me, then give me a teeny bit of antidote to combat part of the poison. 

Look at me, saying "blood draw" without even a visible wince in the letters. What you can't see is that the thought of a blood draw makes me queasy every time I think about it. Am I queasy from the chemo or queasy from just the thought of needles? Yes. I believe so. Also, I had to stop writing this two days in a row because I thought about "blood draw."

Last weekend I needed to go to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for an MRI. (The doctors there said that mammograms are less clear for "young" women like me, so they recommend MRIs so they can gauge the extent of my stuff. Luckily, the MRI did not reveal more stuff on the other side and the surgery plan is unchanged at this point). For the MRI, they needed to give me contrast, so they accessed my port (instead of putting in an IV, which I am thankful for). It doesn't really hurt, but the thought of accessing the port makes me queasy. The thought of un-accessing my port also makes me queasy. So this is a fun situation all around. 

This week my port had to be accessed and de-accessed 3x (blood draw, infusion, and MRI) and I am so ready to not even think about that area of my body for a full week at this point. My husband thinks I will become comfortable with needles and all this stuff because of how often I'll need to be involved in the procedure, but he needed to hypnotize me with his eyes while I got the growth factor shot on Thursday, so it's not looking promising so far.

the tape thing on my chest is covering the port, behind me is either drugs, chemo, or saline for my infusion

On the infusion day, the nurses (who are uniformly excellent so far) access my port, then pump me full of medicines to try to limit the side effects of the chemo. They give me some anti-nausea medicine and some steroids. I don't know if they always wait in between the medicine and the chemo, but they did this time.

The Adriamycin comes next. It is a bright red colored poison that is pushed from a syringe into the line for my port. This is the medicine that results in toxic neon red/orange pee. They have very strict rules about flushing twice and washing clothes twice in the first few days to protect my family (and pets) from coming in contact with the poison coming out of my body. This I thought should impress my nephew, I'm like a Marvel villain.

After the red stuff, the Cytoxan is infused via a drip into my port. Then they detach my port and send me home. For me this process took about 3 hours, but for some people getting other chemo or who need the process to go slower, it can take all day, or multiple days. The infusion room has comfy recliner chairs and friendly nurses who are patient with lots of questions (I tested this out) and helpers who bring pillows and snacks. My husband stayed with me for a while, but left because I thought I might read my book for a bit. He thought I'd probably "network" so he was unsurprised when he came back and I had gotten hair loss and nutrition tips from the other patients.

The next day I return for a shot, which apparently has to be administered slowly (ugh!), of the growth factor. Out of curiosity, I looked up the growth factor before my infusion last week. (I wanted to know why "growth factor" wouldn't grow the tumor, too). In the article I read, the first recommendation for its use was to find a different chemotherapy so you didn't have to use it. A ringing endorsement if I ever saw one. I think the issue is that it makes your bones ache, but that isn't supposed to start until a week after it is administered (so, tomorrow, as I write this).

All of this process, like I said, is about poisoning my body so that we can kill the cancer cells and not kill me. The plan is for me to undergo chemo for 20 weeks, with the assumption being that the drugs and poisons will have a cumulative effect on my cancer as well as my immune system.  Right now, then, the effects seem fairly mild, if unpleasant, but I anticipate it will get worse.

Cancer specific presents: a hat for when I lose my hair and some skin/mouth care items. Thanks whoever sent this (apparently I lost track of the email or got confused about who it was from)

Side Effects

I was told that the antinausea medications are pretty good about keeping the nausea at bay, and I'm definitely not in a lot of discomfort or spending a ton of time in the bathroom, but the underlying mild nausea has, so far, been an issue every day. I can't tell if it is all due to the chemo drugs, or if it is also complicated by anxiety, worry, nerves, and fears. The bone aches from the growth factor haven't started yet and neither has the hair loss. 

They also have advised me to drink 3 liters of water a day, which is a lot if you aren't working out intensely. I've been pretty close every day, but it was tough in the few days after the chemo. Its hard to know if the chemo or the anxiety was making me queasy, but it seems plausible that I was also full of water. I had difficulty wanting to eat in the first few days, too. I know fellow chemo patience have told me about this, but I kinda didn't get it until I experienced it. I figured I could just make myself eat, but when it came to it, it was harder than I anticipated.

The most concerning side effect, the destruction of my immune system, is invisible (and will hopefully stay that way), but I did think about it when I went to Rite Aid to pick up a prescription the other day. In the minutes I was in the store, I noticed 2 people without masks, and one man coughing into the mask he was wearing under his nose. My reaction was to high-tail it out of there and someone else pick up the prescription later. I don't know if I'm immuno-compromised enough to warrant being afraid of anti-maskers and public coughers, but with the Omicron variant, holiday shopping crowds, and antivaxxers, I'm not willing to find out.

our third cat, making an appearance

Support

I mentioned this last time, but it is just blowing me away how much support we've gotten from friends, family, and colleagues. And when I finally checked my blog comments from my last post, I learned that folks I didn't even know were reading the blog and offering their support too. I'm incredibly lucky to have so many folks who are so supportive and kind. People have been bringing food (and treats) and it has been such a relief, when I'm not sure I even want to think about food, to have something ready so that all I have to do is eat it. 

Thanks so much to everyone who has helped and who is planning to help, and everyone who has offered, too.

My World is Strange Now (and this post is not about ceramics)

TW: No ceramics today, just cancer. I'm feeling strange, so I don't l know if I can keep the tone light today. If you're not feeling that, move on by. The previous post is about sculpture; it's way more fun.

yeah, this is how I feel

I'm getting ready to poison myself later this week. Was that too melodramatic? I'm feeling strange. My world has gotten very weird lately. When my daughter was little, we periodically found ourselves saying things we'd never anticipated saying before, like, "don't put that screw in your ear!"  This feels a bit like that. I find myself planning for things I never imagined. What will it be like to make myself intentionally sick later this week? 

trying to get a handle on what to expect from chemo

Last month I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma. That's breast cancer to those of us who aren't speaking fluent cancer-ese right now. The poison I plan to take later this week is chemotherapy, specifically neoadjudavant chemotherapy designed to reduce my tumor and the cancer in my lymph node(s) and eliminate any cancer that might have traveled through my lymph nodes to the rest of my body, but still be too small to see in a scan.

In July something felt funny in my breast. I couldn't articulate it, but I had noticed changes and tried to talk to my doctor about them. She said I was fine. (She didn't actually check.) It seemed like a good answer at the time. It seems like a bad answer in retrospect. It seemed, frankly, scary once I was diagnosed but before I'd talked to some other doctors.

At the end of September I felt a lump. I'd been paying some attention to that breast since July. Based on what the doctor said I was just waiting for something to change or stay the same (yeah, I don't know either). This day I had just gotten home from work. My folks were visiting. My mom was in the kitchen and I was talking to her from the dining room, maybe taking my coat or bag off. This time, just brushing my hand against my side, I felt a distinct lump; I was no longer unable to articulate what felt funny. But my doctor had said that sometimes breasts feel funny, so I waited a few more days before scheduling an appointment. And I didn't tell my mom (sorry Mom, I didn't want to worry you). 

my friend ordered her kids some necklaces that say "F U Cancer" but they sent French versions which she gave to me and my daughter. I turned mine into a bracelet

Then it was another doctor, a mammogram, a biopsy, and a really crappy return visit to the place where I had the biopsy. When they call you and ask you to come in to discuss your results, you know you aren't likely to be told everything is fine. I was still hoping the verdict would be that my stuff was pre-cancerous or needed to be retested or something. 

My intial impression of the person who told me I have cancer was that she was just a terrible person. Who would want a job where they just tell people they have cancer? Why was this person so mean and awful. Obviously my first impressions may have been colored by my emotions. I now think this same person is just wonderful. First impressions, eh? It's Austenesque. 

she gave me a book to try to help me understand

Remember when I said everything is strange? Everything is so strange. This morning I was bubbly and chatty and feeling accomplished: not only did I work out and make a call I was dreading and return some emails, but I scheduled an echocardiogram, got said echo, and went grocery shopping. I chatted with the guy doing the echo and he showed me the parts of my heart and told me it looks healthy. (I have a "good heart".) It was really interesting to see my heart in an ultrasound. And then, like 20 minutes later, I started crying in the car for no discernable reason (except, y'know, the big one). 

I haven't cried much. I cried the first day when I told my husband and my folks. Then I got it together to tell my daughter. I've been anxious and I lost my appetite in the horrible days between when I was told I have cancer and when I actually talked to one of the cancer doctors. Seriously, they give you a book about cancer and send you home. Like, who is physically capable of reading the book about breast cancer immediately after being told they have breast cancer? When I finally did read it, a few days later, I found that it was really helpful. Until I got to the staging section and had to stop (I didn't know enough of my own results yet and the stages sounded scary).

the book is super useful, but I'm not a fan of pink cursive chapter titles and inspirational quotes

November was appointments and waiting and telling people and worrying, and trying to make lists just to give myself a feeling of control. At that point the bit of control I was able to wrest back from the now-strange world was making a list of all my appointments with check boxes for both the scheduling and the appointments. When I couldn't do anything else, at least I could check off that I scheduled the appointment. That list includes tests (CT, Bone Scan, Echocardiogram, MRI), and consults (surgery, oncology, radiation, second opinion, and genetic counseling), port surgery, and discussions about work/leave.

my to do list (to try to give myself some sense of control)

I'll be starting chemo on Wednesday. And I won't be teaching in Winter. The three IV bruises from the CT, bone scan, and port surgery are all gone now and I should be done with IVs because they put in a port-a-cath (TW: the link is from Nurse.org and has a diagram; click through only if you are ok to see that kind of thing) for my chemo. The way I understood what the doctor explained to me, the port just allows me to have a quick access port for chemo so they can skip finding a vein. But today in a podcast about cancer (because I listen to podcasts about cancer now), they said that the location (on the chest near the heart) means the the turbulence of the heart prevents the chemo drugs from lingering in the vein. I'm not sure if that's true, but the echocardiogram doctor said that the heart moves blood through your veins pretty quickly from anywhere.

my powerport (port-a-cath) guide

The cancer I have is apparently agressive (or looks like it is) and I have some lymph node "involvement" meaning that the cancer has moved from its original tumor location through the lymph system. The current scans and mammogram show that it is in one lumph node, but I have an MRI scheduled for this weekend because, apparently mammograms aren't as clear for "young" people like me. 

Because the cancer has moved at least some ways from the original location, there is some risk that little bits of cancer have found their way to other parts of my body. The plan is to start with 20 weeks of chemo (I had to take a little rest now just from thinking about 20 weeks of chemo!) to help eradicate any bits of cancer in the rest of me and also to hopefully shrink the tumor and the cancer in the lymph node(s). Later, I'll do surgery and radiation.

My medical bracelet for the port

I feel pretty confident in my doctors, in large part because they're all in agreement. In Yakima I met with the surgeon (who basically said chemo first, put the port in, and told me about my surgery options for later), then I went up to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) for a "second opinion" though technically only the surgery part was second and the oncology was first. I met with the Yakima oncologist two days later.

Immediately after I was diagnosed, I contacted a friend who is going through chemo right now and asked her to tell me everything I needed to know. A bit later I found out that another friend had had breast cancer, and got her opinion, and then the opinion of another couple of friends who have/had breast cancer. Everyone said go to SCCA, so I did. Most of them also said that Yakima's North Star Lodge was pretty good, but that SCCA were good folks to be in touch with because of their experts, technology, and options that might not be available locally.

Everyone I've talked to so far (after my primary care provider) has been incredible. Seriously, everyone; I'm talking nurses, surgeons (2), anesthesiologists, radiation oncologists, chemo oncologists (2), front office staff, nurse navigators (2), and even billing people, have been great. Yes, you heard that right, billing people treated me well! I have experienced exclusively compassion, clarity, support and, get this, fast answers and call-backs.  I know, now you're jealous that I got medical folks to call me back quickly and billing people to resolve issues promptly. Apparently cancer gets you that kind of service, who knew?

This map to North Star Lodge makes me laugh. If you don't know where you're going, how could this map possibly help? They haven't even marked North Star on the map! (Also, the directions tell you to turn on 39th Ave, but 39th isn't identified)

The woman who told me I had cancer (who I initially hated), then proceeded to be ultra-fast in returning my calls and compassionate and clear in reassuring me about timelines, sheduling, insurance, and medical questions. She's an absolutely rock star and I totally get why she does this job (I feel bad for hating her for a few days after she told me bad news). 

the notebook they gave me had a whole list of folks for me to add their contact information, but I have two of most of these, and none of several so I haven't really used it.

The other group of beautiful humans has been my incredible friends and colleagues. (Crying again, this is not normal for me). My family has been lovely, but that's like, assumed, right? I know I have my family and they love me and suppport me and they are willing to listen to me worry about things that probably worry them, too and then resist the temptation to let me know they're worried. Except when my mom was absolutely giddy over the phone after I found out the CT and bone scan were clear. I was giddy too; I was terrified that it had spread beyond the lymph node(s) already.

there's one spot for family/friend. which makes me wonder, first, why you only have 1, and second, why you don't already know how to contact them.

I have an absolutely incredible group of friends and colleagues. I can't believe how many people have offered to help, have actually taken stuff over from me so I don't have to worry about it, have offered to cook for me (knowing, at least in two cases, that I hate cooking), or have offered other kinds of support. I am lucky be able to lean on friends who know medical stuff (Becki and Nina) and people who have experience with cancer (who I won't name for their privacy) and I've been able to pick the brains of these intelligent and lovely people as I worry through my stuff. 

I can tell the whole thing has been a strain on my family (and me). My daughter is a teenager, so she was already emotionally sensitive and a little unpredictable, but I've noticed that she's been closer to tears (and me too, based on today) and all three of us are maybe quicker to frustration that we might otherwise be (thought, with a teenager it's a bit hard to tell). Immediately after the diagnosis we did lots of hugging, but now we've been living with it for 4 weeks and trying to get stuff done and I think the strain of functioning while this sits with us is tough. 

The thing that has been hardest so far for me has been the unknowning. After the biopsy, I had the information that it was invasive, in at least one lymph node, and fast growing (grade 9). But I didn't yet know if it had metastasized beyond the lymph node into other parts of my body. According to the book they gave me, it could be anywhere between stage 2B and 4. Once we had the scan results, waiting over the Thanksgiving holiday week/weekend for the port surgery seemed to take forever, then it was hard to wait for my SCCA and oncology appointment because it felt like such a long time to waste while my cancer sat there just growning and potentially moving through my lumph nodes!

All along the more information I've gotten, the better I felt, but also all along there's been gray areas. 

The directions for quarantine after my Covid test and before my surgery were kind of fuzzy, since I was given this list of instructions, then specifically told to ignore at least 3 of the items pictured.

The SCCA visit was great for filling in some of those unknowns. Apparently I am a person who likes thorough explanations and tons of information. I had eleventy-seven questions and I felt better once they were (almost) all answered. I have separate pages of questions (and now answers) for basically every doctor, as well as questions about genetics, insurance, medical leave, etc. 

Two days later, last Thursday, I saw the North Star oncologist in Yakima and her recommendations were basically the same as the Seattle oncologist, though her warnings about the serverity of my reaction to the chemo were much less dire. I have a "Teach" scheduled at Northstar tomorrow where I believe they will tell me all about the medicines and risks and side effects and all that. I have another list of questions for tomorrow, of course.

I am scheduled to start chemo on Wednesday. I realized today, after the second (short) crying bout, that I am terrified. I might also be reacting to the timing. Final grades for Fall were due Friday, so I am pretty much done with work stuff until Spring (or possibly Fall, depending on how the chemo goes).  The end of the quarter is often a stressful time. Usually in December I transition into Christmas gifts and travel plans, but this year we're staying in Yakima for chemo. All this means today was kind of an open day, with only the 15 minute echo scheduled. I really don't like not having a plan, and right now, I don't feel like I have almost no idea what will happen later this week. I mean, I'll get medicine, followed by poison (chemo), and then the next day I'll come back for a growth factor shot to help my body make more white blood cells, but how will I feel? how long will the chemo take? how long will I feel bad? will I be able to eat? will I be ill? will I spend all day in the bathroom? will I feel weak? will the first infusion be better or worse than the second? will my hair fall out in the first week? will I care? I don't know any of this. I'm guessing I'll have answers to only some of these questions tomorrow.

According to the SCCA oncologist, I will feel like I have the flu for 5 days every two weeks. According to the Yakima nurse, "I hope it won't be that long," according to the book, the side effects of these chemo medications include nause, vomiting, 90% to total hair loss starting as early as next Wednesday, sore mouth, and much more. According to some podcasts and online cancer groups, I'm going to be absolutely miserable from now until May 4, or longer, or not that long. Or maybe I'll be fine. Ugh, it is hard to plan for misery, but even harder, in some ways, to plan for anything ranging to misery to slight tireness. According to my book, I shouldn't listen to anyone else's experience because everyone cancer and treatment and reaction is different. According to my husband I'll feel better than I think I might. But that's kind of the thing, right? I'm trying to make a plan for misery, mild discomfort, and everything in between. Sigh.

Well, if you've read this far, I am kind of amazed, actually, but the writing was therapeutic for me. I'm feeling better, just getting some of it out. I thought I had some funny, witty, or interesting things to say about this experience, but this is what came out instead. Maybe next time I'll share those strange thoughts, instead of this mix of data and fear and gratefulness. Sigh. Tonight is looking like a night for hugs on the couch while we watch Ghostbusters. 

This Ghostbusters, obviously

Hand-builing Student Portraits

 

Eli Ortega's Dragon (detail of textures)

Earlier this month I wrote about my hand-building students' portraits as they were in the process of building them. They have now finished and I wanted to share the results.

Eli Ortega's dragon (side and back view)

The assignment asks students to create a portrait of person, animal, or creature from real-life or fiction. This quarter we had a dragon, a dog, a stuffed elephant, and a few people. I think the subjects made clear that this project started around Halloween, since we also had Chuckie, Leatherface, and the Phantom of the Opera, as well as Medusa. 

Emily Chaidez's Chuckie sculpture (portrait)

The students were asked to bring in an object or several photos of their subject so that they could sculpt in three dimensions. The challenge is often moving from two- to three-dimensions in their build. Students are so used to seeing flat images, or drawing flat images, that it is a challenge to represent the curves of the face accurately.

Chuckie lost his hands and feet, but I still love the stance he's in here.

This class did not seem to have a lot of trouble, at least compared with other classes, with forming the basic shape of the. face, neck and head. A few students also chose to represent the whole body of their subject, which can lead to other complications.

Crystal Preciado's (Instagram @crys.no) stuffed elephant sculpture

The students who chose to do whole bodies instead of busts had to contend with the position of the legs, arms, and, in some cases, trunks of their subjects. A stuffed subject, like the elephant is a pretty stable form to begin with, but human (or doll) bodies can be challenging because the bodies and limbs are so thin.

The side view of Crystal's elephan shows the length of the tusk and the width of the ears and body.

A couple of students had some trouble with hands or feet breaking on full-body portraits. This quarter the extra challenge for all students, and one that especially impacted some students, was that we had fewer on-campus days than a "normal" Clay 1: Hand-building class.  Usually that class meets 3 days a week for 2 hours. This quarter we met just 2 days a week for 2 hours and the rest of the class was online. 

Phantom of the Opera by Savannah Ross (Instagram @rootbeer.rat) with its mask on.

Students were still able to come into the studio outside of class time, but for some students, getting to campus was sometimes a challenge. Several students, including Emily (Chuckie) and Savannah (Phantom) did much of their building on their own and/or at home.

Phantom with his mask off, notice the interesting texture (can't wait to see it glazed)

I was impressed with the students who worked from home for part of their project, not least because transporting a big heavy lump of clay can be a challenge. Evelyn (Medusa) took her work home to apply the texture to the snake hair after it was hollowed out, meaning it was lighter, but potentially more fragile.

Medusa by Evelyn Ayala-Frustos (Instagram @evelynayalafrutos)

One of the things that I especially like to see across the range of pieces made for this project is the range of textures that students applied to their work. Evelyn's snake scale texture on the hair stands out in particular against her smooth face skin. Ashley (racing dog) and Crystal (stuffed elephant) applied soft textures to their fur/fabric. Elizabeth and Emily both have stitching in their horror move skin surfaces and Savannah's Phantom has a scarred face. 

Evelyn's Medusa from the front

The many texturs in Eli's dragon's skin are the most impressive at this stage.  She did a particularly impressive job of layering textures and transitioning between different carved and applied textures. The texture markedly changes in the back behind the horns and in front of the neck. 

Ashley Boroff's racing dog

This quarter's students seemed to do a lot with contrasting surfaces or layers that were a little unexpected. The goggles on Ashley's dog are an interesting and efficient way to skip crafting eyes (even if that wasn't her intent), and Elizabeth's Leatherface has a face that is also a mask, making for some interesting layering.

Leatherface by Elizabeth Harris

I had the most trouble advising Elizabeth on Leatherface as I'm not familiar with the movie (I don't watch horror movies). Luckilly she had pictures to use as references, but the way the extra face is layered over the actor's face made for some odd positions and levels that contradicted what I usually advise students about proportions and depth.

Leatherface from the side really shows the depth in the eyes and the funny proportions that happen when, I guess, your subject is wearing someone else's face.

An additional challenge of our limited on-campus time is that not all the students were able to take their photos in the school's photo booth. Most students did, but for a few I'm hoping that the glaze pictures will have a bit better lighting and contrast. I didn't share everyone's photo here, but hope that I'll be able to share a few more later.

AnaBeth Montemayor's Corpse Bride was an extra challenge to build because of that long skinny neck